My Confession: The Story Underneath the Stories

It took more than one day to put it on – it will take more than one day to take it off

Everything you need is already inside - Nike

Many, if not all, of you who are reading this did not know me when I was seventeen years old, a simple high school kid living in a small town in the Northeast trying to get out of that town. For those who did know me during this time, my guess is that we may not have stayed in touch or we have forgotten one another in some capacity. Regardless, eight years later, I still remember who you were (and hopefully know who you are) and how close we still are. For those who have entered my life post-2006 until the present, I would like to present this post to each and every one of you. This post is not an easy post to rewrite (I have written about it before) because the subject of it is never easy for me to look back upon deeply. So what’s the topic?

When I was 17 years old, I weighed 285 pounds and was considered severely obese.

I am sure many of you are astounded, surprised, and are even denying this. Many of you are probably thinking, “No way, you are lying” or some other form of challenge against what I said. I’m not drastically embellishing the notion of having a “little chub” or “big boned” or any of those sayings we say to ourselves or to others. I truly was morbidly obese, and I weighed what I weighed. For those you use the BMI as a marker (I do not because I think it’s grossly inaccurate and horrible way to judge health), I was at 39.7. The pictures at the bottom of this post will attest to my honesty. I did nothing to alter these photos – no Photoshop, no touch ups, just a quick scan from printer to computer.

I was unhealthy. I did not eat right. I did not exercise. I also did not monitor the kind of calories and types of food I was eating. Thus, I became obese – and teetering on the verge of having diabetes, hypertension, and even gastro-bypass. My cholesterol was already high, my kidneys weren’t doing too well, and all those fun health issues were all creeping up on me. It was the threat of gastro-bypass from my doctor that snapped me into reality. I was eating myself to death. I was eating myself to the verge of no return. So I made a change.

Now, 8 years later, I weigh around 185-190 pounds depending on the day, so in essence, I almost lost 100 pounds. At my lowest weight, I did lost over 100 pounds; however, through working out and lifting, I have gained muscle mass that has raised my overall weight. My BMI tells me I’m still overweight, which is why I don’t trust or hold any value to the BMI scale as a stand alone marker to health and health risk.

For many people, the question that will be asked most frequently will be “How did you do it?” And honestly, I believe the generic answers are also my answers in the sense that I did start eating better and I started to work out. Changing what I’ve eaten, how much I’ve eaten, and when I’ve eaten all has changed what I look like and how I feel. Likewise, having an exercise routine and knowing how to exercise also changes the body and the mind. However, if someone were to ask me “How did you do it?,” I would very much answer the question in a more deeply and philosophical way… as well as say I ate better and worked out.

Emotionally and philosophically I had to change who I was to do this. There is a huge gap between knowing what to do, and doing it. Many of us can attest to multiple life choices where we knew exactly what to do… and yet did not do it. And we have our reasons.

Losing weight is about dedication. Like many things in our lives, much of our success can be attributed to the dedication we have. While I know there are many other factors that are involved, many of those factors we cannot control. What we can control is the mindset we bring and the dedication we have. And that’s how I lost the weight. I dedicated myself to losing weight, but more importantly, to be healthy and live my life in a way where I did what I could control in hopes of a long and healthy life. Many people accuse people who work out addicts or obsessed; yet it truly should be seen as dedication. There are plenty of people who may actually be addicted or obsessed, but that in many ways can be said about other things we prioritize in our lives.

I chose not to do crash diets. I don’t believe in fad diets. A diet is not a lifestyle, it is a temporary means of losing weight. I did decide to alter the things I ate, and be smart about what I eat. There is a common saying that “Take care of your body, it’s the only place you have to live in.” The quality of our homes are determined by the tools and material we use. The material is the food we eat and drink. The tools are how we build our bodies. And like building homes, we have people who support us. And we have people who help us.

We all have heard the success stories on TV or the Internet. We see the BeachBody commercials, the P90X commercials, Insanity, Zumba, etc. We see the testimonials, and many of us do not believe it. I write about my philosophical, personal, and physical struggle and successes with working out, fitness, and health as a way of personalizing it to my friends, families, and loved ones. This is possible. Losing the weight is possible. Being healthy is possible. While the Biggest Loser does a phenomenal job in showing people how to lose weight, it does not do a great job at creating a plausible and real-world experience for people.

Perhaps my story, my writings, my blog… perhaps that can make others feel inspired. Maybe it will help them understand how beautifully philosophical and deep exercising is. It is not just the ability of the body to complete a repetition, a mile, a lap, or a set. It’s a total body demand. Working out demands your body, your mind, your heart, and your soul. The dedication to working out is the same dedication to relationships, to school, to your job, and to all the other things we hold dear in our lives. Will we give our minds, souls, hearts, and bodies to [insert what is important to you]? If it’s yes, then it’s possible.

“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easeir to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING.” - Adidas

17 years old

17 years old to 23 years old

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