Inner Strength

Everything You Need is Already Inside - Nike

Have you ever been repeatedly reprimanded for not doing something correctly? Sometimes there is no worse feeling than being yelled at in front of a group of others. The feeling of being singled out in a group of others who may have more experience in completing a task just because you are a new or without the experience can be a very frightening and triggering moment. Welcome to the world of Cycle-X from St. Louis Workout. We all have experienced beginner’s luck, whether in a video game or in an activity. Somehow, we had that moment where the stars aligned, and we were suddenly amazing at something we had never done before. Many people experience this euphoric sensation when playing video games or billiards. Unfortunately, at Cycle-X, you won’t have beginner’s luck. In fact, being a beginner in Cycle-X is one of the most frightening and stressful times.

 Cycle-X is an extreme cycling class and is not comparable to a typical spin class. My personal trainer Kelly Moran is the Cycle-X instructor and utilizes techniques from his experiences with Olympic trainers and other extreme fitness classes and created a spin class that, in my opinion, rivals any Insanity™ or P90X™ workout you go through. Throughout the 60- to 90-minute spin class, there are more than a dozen drills from hitting spin cadences above 200rpm, maxing out the resistance while standing or sitting, standing sprints, and choreographed movements that test your physical and mental abilities.

You will be yelled at. I was yelled at for weeks. I didn’t hit the cadences. Couldn't maintain 150rpm. Can’t keep my head up. Can’t do 4-corners correctly. I was called out in the middle of class multiple times in front of others more skilled than I was. Kelly has no problem using explicit language at you, telling you to stop, kicking you out of class if he feels as though you aren’t trying hard enough. There were classes that, after I survived them, I felt as though I was a failure, that I was never going to be good enough. I felt triggered, defensive, and angry multiple times after being reprimanded.

Being a Master of Social Work student, I was taught about supporting others, about strength-based approaches. I am educated in multiple techniques that use soft skills to empower and support others. And trust me, there are times I’ve wanted to tell Kelly that his technique of constant reprimanding and what can be construed as anger and disappointment was not the most effective way of supporting who I was as a person.

 Yes, I could just quit and not come back. However, just like almost every workout I complete, every failed set or rep I have to experience, this is what I have learned.

 It is a very humbling experience to be made aware of your shortcomings and weaknesses. It is not a good feeling to have, and it will trigger almost every defense mechanism you have. This is real life.

Now, I know most people will scoff at my linkage of working out to real life. It would be amazing if we could all live life the way Social Workers envision – one where everyone has an exceptional support network with optimal attention paid to emotional support and positive reinforcement.

That’s not real. Not right now at least. Sometimes we are unable to leave our pride at the door. We don’t want to be exposed as weak, as incompetent. We also don’t like having our feelings hurt. The real world will kick you in the face. Multiple times. We will be exposed as incompetent and weak. We will fail, and fail badly in front of others. The world will make sure people around us are notified in some way of our inability to complete [insert task].

Whether it’s doing 4-corners correctly in a 60-minute spin class or being rejected from someone, some institution, or some grant opportunity, if we allow our pride and triggers to get the better of us, we won’t see the lesson in front of us.

 Instead of arguing back at what happened (in this case, yelling at my spin instructor for not being supportive), I can understand that life presents me a choice: are you going to give up? Is that all it takes for you to stop? How much resolve do you have?

Being humbled, falling down, it’s a part of life. Instead of blaming circumstance or blaming someone else, what can I do? Am I going to get back on that bike and sweat, cry, and bleed until I prove to my trainer I can master that bike? Or am I going to get defensive and aggressive to protect my pride? 

Oftentimes we are unwilling to be broken down to be rebuilt into stronger people. Cycle-X is not meant to hold your hand until you can master the skills. It challenges you to find it within yourself to accept your current weakness and to destroy it.

If you can’t find it within yourself, you will not find it outside yourself.